![]() ![]() “People will bully and try to intimidate you in the business world if their spidey sense tells them that you are someone to be reckoned with - someone to take seriously.” Forbes columnist Liz Ryan believes there’s only one reason bullying occurs in the workplace. I know that I’m not alone in this experience‚ and it’s not my fault I was targeted. I wonder sometimes if this would have happened to me if I’d been a man. My confidence grew and I embraced my new role. I became more assertive and engaged in meetings and conversations. After I spoke up to D, I wanted to speak up more. The experience was a turning point in my career. I thanked my boss for pushing me to be courageous and to take a stand for myself. Work became pleasant again, and I began to thrive. I’d summoned the courage to confront my bully and in doing so, I rediscovered my voice. ![]() I wasn’t sure what the outcome of our conversation would be, but I was sure of one thing: I’d summoned the courage to confront my bully and in doing so, I rediscovered my voice. The person who spoke on the phone sounded strong, confident and calm - nothing like the disorganized, in-over-her-head woman D made me out to be. My hands were shaking, adrenaline pumping. “Your emails are disrespectful and unprofessional. ![]() When my coworker answered, he seemed startled. I thought through what I needed to say, how I would say it, and before I could back out, I picked up the phone and dialed D’s number. I sat at my desk, palms sweating, and thought. That was not the answer I was hoping for. Instead, she urged me to call him immediately and tell him to stop. I forwarded it, thinking my supervisor would finally step in. Inevitably, a few days later, the next email arrived. “Next time D sends an email like that, forward it to me,” she said. I told her I couldn’t confront him - it made me too uncomfortable. I figured she’d step in or send me to HR. “The only way to stop this is for you to confront him,” she said. “You’re not going to like this answer,” she said. I went to my supervisor and told her everything. I was pretty certain what he said was out of bounds - this wasn’t in my head. One day I got an email from D that really made me mad. He’d been actively intimidating me - and it had been working - but I was too naive to see it. ![]() I think I endured D’s bad behavior for so long because I’d come to believe some of the hurtful, condescending comments he made. I knew in my gut that something was wrong. We rarely saw each other since we worked in different departments.īlame it on socialization or inexperience (or both), but I couldn’t say for sure what was going on. The strangest thing of all? This harassment only happened over email. D’s words had me wrapped up in a major case of imposter syndrome. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this position. I started thinking maybe what he told my friend was right. Most of the time, he was just rude, dealing out backhanded compliments with practiced ease. Other times, he’d find a way to twist a situation and blame me for his lateness. Once, he said he’d told my office bestie that it was a “big mistake” I’d taken this job. Rather than own up to his tardiness, D belittled me via email. This started to become a problem, so I started trying to hold D accountable for deadlines. His work was often late, which made my work late, too. He was 20 years my senior I was in my twenties. We weren’t in the same department, but D played a key role in the projects I managed. When I experienced workplace bullying, I was starting a new job - one that required me to work directly with this colleague. Let’s back up a little so I can set the scene. (and the world) are speaking up about sexual harassment - and putting an end to it. With the rise of the #MeToo movement and #TimesUp campaign, women across the U.S. As women, we are conditioned to be nice, to not make waves, to submit to authority. Too often women ignore or dismiss belittling behavior in the office. For example, when I received a series of passive-aggressive emails that undercut me professionally and personally, I initially brushed them off because I was told the sender was “difficult.” At the time, I didn’t recognize these messages were inappropriate - but now, I know I was dealing with a workplace bully. The thing about workplace bullying, however, is that it’s not easy to spot, especially given our cultural norms. It’s also an issue that affects both women and men. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, bullying is actually four times more common than sexual harassment in the workplace. ![]()
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